There is no “one size fits all” life; nor is there a “one size fits all” relationship. Chantelle and Todd of Over Yonda Adventures are a perfect example of both, and of the benefits of taking the long way round to get to the life you were meant to live, as individuals and as a truly inspiring travel couple. After covering Australia and North America from stem to stern – literally, guys – they’ve gained some wonderful insights into what it means to be a successful couple, whether at home or abroad. Happily, they’ve been kind enough to write up their incredible story and their advice for us on this week’s This Seat’s Taken.
What’s your story?
We met way back in 1998, when Chantelle was finishing high school. We took ‘vacation’ style holidays within Australia for a few years but in 2006 we moved towns, made a new circle of friends and were influenced by their wild and romantic travel stories. Our first international trip was in 2008. With a whirlwind stop-over in Las Vegas (obligatory Elvis themed wedding included!), we spent three glorious weeks exploring Alberta and British Columbia in Canada.
We found our real passion on this trip and the travel bug wound itself deep into our souls. Feeling depressed at the thought of returning to our ‘normal’ (aka boring) lives, we needed to have the adventure to look forward to. We were constantly planning and scheming new adventures and international holidays, but were never able to satisfy the will of the travel bug. Left feeling unfulfilled, unsatisfied and deep in a rut, we decided to go our separate ways – wondering if this would help us find and keep that feeling of aliveness we only experienced when we travelled.
After a year apart, we agreed that it was not our relationship that was source of these feelings, but the lifestyle we lived. It was the ‘9-5’, chasing promotions, buying stuff we didn’t need, and being people we didn’t want to be. So we made a decision. We quit that lifestyle, we quit ‘normality’. We sold everything we owned, bought two old motorcycles and set off across Australia, then spent 18 months travelling from Alaska to Argentina. We returned home travel weary, but so much wiser. Travel is our passion, and living on purpose is what makes us feel the most alive.
Do you have the same travel style or different travel styles? How does this impact your adventures together?
Our travel styles are really similar. We both like to move, move, move. We have learned over time that travelling slowly allows you to immerse into cultures and languages and the joy, compassion and kindness we have learned through travelling slowly is such a gift. We tend to enjoy the same experiences and shy away from the same activities, so whilst this may seem like a huge plus, it can be a downside because at times it is wonderful to be pushed outside of your comfort zone and experience something you normally would say no to.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from traveling as partners? What makes your partnership work on the road?
We have learnt that absolute honesty is the only way to approach life on the road as a couple. Bottling up emotions, hurts or annoyance is not on option when you only have each other to rely on for company and support. This doesn’t come easily to everyone, but it is a skill that both parties need to commit to in order to feel safe in being vulnerable. This skill not only helps to prevent arguments on the road, but it intensifies emotional intimacy and deepens your connection to a level that you never expect.
What’s the best part about traveling as partners? And the biggest challenge?
For us, the biggest benefit of travelling together is the connection that is created through sharing experiences – the amazing experiences all the way to the most stressful or distressing experiences. This connection is enhanced everyday, building the level of trust and unconditional acceptance of who we are as individuals and partners. The relationship skills and emotional intimacy you build through long term travel help to set a positive pathway for your relationship into the future, giving you the skills to deal with everything that life can throw at you. It becomes not only who you are as a partner, but who are together as a partnership. It sets the foundation for your life.
The biggest challenge can be maintaining your independence and your self of sense outside of the relationship. Regardless of how amazing your relationship is, your sense of self and identity as a person, not just as a partner, is critical to personal well-being. This is best discussed before you travel, but it is an ongoing discussion whilst you travel. Both partners need to feel safe in saying ‘I need some time away from you’. We devised all sorts of strategies, but this evolved during our travels. Be creative about how you access this alone time – it can be simple as spending a day sightseeing separately, or getting a hotel room with two beds!
Based on your experience, what’s the best advice you have for couples who have just scheduled their first trip together?
Our biggest advice is to have a conversation about how you communicate when you are stressed or emotionally distressed. Being able to recognise this in each other and provide the support your partner needs can immediately turn a situation around. Learn to trust each other with your feelings and be open and honest with how you are feeling – if you are annoyed, angry, upset, or deliriously happy, own it and voice it. It will prevent disagreements in the future!
Secondly, do not fall into the trap of the ‘couple bubble’. Get out and meet other travellers, speak to locals and make sure you get some time away from each other on a regular basis.
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