There are two really cool parts to running this series. One is getting to know couples who are incredibly different from us, but who enjoy sharing the world together just as much as we do. The other is reading answers from couples who remind us so much of ourselves we feel like we could already be friends. Derek and Mike of Robe Trotting are absolutely one of the latter. They met through their love of an active lifestyle, and grew into sharing their globetrotting (or, you know, robe trotting) experiences together.
What’s your story?
We met in Philadelphia playing in an LGBTQ+ sports league together. We met during fall kickball playing on different teams. We didn’t know much about each other until that winter when we started playing dodgeball, again on different teams. One night we were talking at the bar after a game and all of a sudden we were the only two left and it was way too late for a work night but we had our first kiss and were pretty much together ever since.
We went to a basketball game the following week for our first date and our first trip together was to Boston to see a Red Sox game at Fenway Park. You learn a lot about someone when you travel together. That was 5 years ago, so it’s easy to say we travel well together.
Do you have the same travel style or different travel styles? How does this impact your adventures together?
We have sort of meshed our travel styles together but it wasn’t always so similar. Mike is an engineer, so when we planned our first travel trip to Boston from Philadelphia the planning process involved a pivot table and multiple spread sheets. The cost analysis of driving, taking the train and flying were helpful, but Derek had a different approach. The train through the American northeast corridor would be scenic and we could stop in Providence, Rhode Island for a night. It was an easy decision because it was one part practical and one part fun.
That’s kind of the essence of our travel style. Budget doesn’t drive our travel decisions, but we aren’t frivolous. We don’t mind roughing it a little, but we like a hot shower at the end of the day. Museums and tours are great, but we like to slow things down and get a feel for local pubs and culture.
Our interests drive our travel as well and we’ve built city breaks around sporting events and half marathons. We even traveled to see the Red Sox in London, repeating our first time traveling together. Since we’re both history nerd and borderline foodies, we usually agree on what we like to do when we’re exploring a new destination.
What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned from traveling as partners? What makes your partnership work on the road?
Two years into our relationship, Mike was offered a very sudden professional opportunity abroad. It was a quick decision, but we jumped on it and moved from Philadelphia, USA to Copenhagen, Denmark. We have learned more than we ever dreamed from expatriating together. It’s pushed us personally and as a couple and we really learned how to trust each other and depend on each other. It’s also given us a chance to experience many highs and lows together. Being an expat is intense and the emotional extremes can be daunting, but it’s been a challenge that brought us incredibly close.
Our biggest tool has been communication, and it’s probably a cliche answer, but it’s the basics and fundamentals that you rely on it a situation like living abroad. When you rely so much on your partner because you start over in a new culture, away from your friends, family and country – you learn what’s really important.
What’s the best part about traveling as partners? And the biggest challenge?
Traveling together means that we always have someone to share the experience with. Derek was always curious to travel, but made it a priority when we started our relationship. Having someone just as curious has led us to over 40 countries and is why we’ve lived abroad for 3 years and counting.
There are, of course, challenges with traveling as a couple, especially for LGBTQ+ partners. The minor ones are checking into a hotel and always being asked questions like ”I see you booked a king size bed, did you want two doubles?” Some others include traveling to countries and destinations where LGBTQ rights are restricted or the community is less-visible.
Every gay traveler has to wrestle with the decision of visiting these countries and rectify the choice by showing discretion in their expression and how they present themselves. This is a difficult one for many LGBTQ+ couples.
As Americans, we weren’t immune to discrimination before traveling or living abroad. Society is much more progressive for the LGBTQ+ community in Denmark, but we take it for granted when we leave Copenhagen. It can be triggering to have to ”go back in the closet” after living an open life and overcoming the coming out process, but it’s a choice you make to travel to certain locations. We strongly feel that it’s better to see the world, even if we adapt ourselves in certain destinations.
Based on your experience, what’s the best advice you have for couples who have just scheduled their first trip together?
The only advice is ”don’t look back”! Keep exploring together and be flexible, adventurous and compromise when necessary.
Planning a trip together is one of our favorite things to do, so use it to make new bonds and grow as a couple. Find ways to surprise each other along the way. Especially at first, it’s a great way to get to know each other. Sometimes Mike will research and plan a half-day tour and Derek will research and plan a nice restaurant serving local cuisine. Those are the best parts of traveling as a couple and a great gift for one another while seeing a destination.
Share their story with your favorite travel partner!
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